Hot Dogs of Seplonia
UNFINISHED Started in 2011
The sun rolled over the hills leaving the sky with a vibrant orange glow. The hills of the landscape of highways and bridges shimmered with their concrete angles and steel guardrails hiding their vulnerability. Stan looked over this gorgeous terrain of man-made scenery and smirked to himself. It was not the beauty of the city that brought it on, it was the fact that night was quickly coming. And when night came he got to go to work.
Most men in their mid-twenties weren’t excited about work, especially when they made an hourly figure that did not match the dollar menu in most drive-thrus, but Stan had his dream job. There was nothing he wanted more in life than to be a hot dog vendor at the baseball game. His only two obsessions, baseball and bunned sausage, had been mixed into one glorious job. Okay, it was not quite his dream job, he was still in the minor leagues. But he knew one day he would get that interview which would allow him to sell frankfurters at a major league stadium.
He closed the door to his car and turned towards the stadium. He loved these late night games, no sun to get in his eyes, the field lit with artificial light, and the pungent smell of the wieners just seemed a little stronger.
He walked through the parking lot and through the employee gate. Even after vending the dogs for five years he still got excited when he entered the stadium. The rampways giving a small glimpse of the green field, the people bustling around the concession stands, and the cheap merchandise already falling off the carts gave Stan chills every time.
He lost himself in fantasy as he went to the office to get his hot box. He let visions of homeruns and condiment packs play with his mind. Maybe one day he would catch a homerun in his hotbox, that would of course harm his hotdogs, but it would be worth it. Just another big league dream, he thought. There were no stands in the outfield of the minor league park, so there was not even a possibility of it happening that night. Sure, he could catch a foul ball in his box, but that would just be a slap in the face of the real dream.
He slid the black strap over his head messing his perfectly done hair in the process. It did not matter, he had to wear a cap anyway. If there was one thing he did not like about his job it was the wardrobe. Not because he disliked wearing a mock uniform. Not because he hated losing his hairstyle to hat head. It was because the team was less than manly.
Most sports teams had mascots that struck fear in the hearts of their opponents, mascots that you would not want to meet in a fight. But the purple and green clad Muskrats did the opposite. No big deal it was still a team and Stan had the pleasure of working there.
He sauntered back to the concessions and opened his hot box for Maggie, his manager. She grabbed two humongous handfuls of the wrapped dogs and tossed them in. The size of the woman’s hands were a sight to be seen. Stan had never witnessed a woman with such huge mitts. They could crush his head if Maggie so wanted.
“Rover!” Maggie shouted just inches away from Stan’s ear calling him what he always hoped was a pet name because he was so infatuated with hot dogs. “Get your ass in the stands!”
“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Stan was enthusiastic when he talked to Maggie, hell, he was enthusiastic when he was at work period. But he had a thing for Maggie. She was the most gorgeous woman he had ever met. There was something attractive to him about a woman who did not even stand at five feet tall. She had perfect, curly, red hair, the hourglass figure, plump lips always decorated with dark red lipstick, and those frightening hands.
Stan shook his head like a madman refocusing himself. Off to the stands! It was time to start vending, the purpose of his life. He walked out of the concession stand and faced the ramp.
Looking up the ramp he could see the field and feel the breeze. He was just a few feet away from the roar of the crowd hungry for entertainment and, well, food. A deep breath in and on he went. As he ascended the ramp he could hear the organ already playing the rah rah tunes it usually did during the later innings to wake the crowd up. It was oddly louder than usual.
Each step he took echoed in the hallway with force he was not used to. Last two steps took him outdoors in the stands. He turned around to see a meager crowd. Not a big surprise, he was used to it. Although he would love to see 20,000 screaming fans all jonesing for a dog, he was always happy to see a couple hundred relaxing and waiting for the game.
The night went as normal. The Muskrats lost twelve to six which was not the worst score they had endured that season, but Stan was on a roll. He sold out of hotdogs ten times. He thought after the game ended that he must have sold two dogs to every person in the stands. He felt like a superstar.
Afterwards he turned in his hot box and went to cash out with Maggie in the concession stands.
“I need you to help out cleaning the stands, we are short handed tonight.” Maggie was always blunt, there was no real tact in her speech.
“I really need to get out of here, I have to be back for the early game tomorrow.” Stan did not mind staying he just hated cleaning.
“It will be worth it, trust me.” Maggie gave him an odd wink. An expression Stan assumed was supposed to be sexual, but he had no way of really knowing.
He nodded and walked back up the ramp to pick up the litter left by the patrons.
It was a long night. Every hour Stan would check with Maggie, but she kept giving him that creepy wink and asking him to stay longer. One by one he watched everyone else leave for the night until it was just him and Maggie left.
“Can I go now?” Stan never wanted to be rude, but he was being pushed that night.
“Really? I keep you around until we are all alone and you just want to leave?” Maggie was upset that Stan had not understood her hidden messages. “No! You can’t leave yet!”
This was a new situation for Stan, he had never been approached so forcefully before by a woman. It worried him. The woman he had been pining over the last few years was finally giving him the sign and he was feeling insecure.
‘Get it together.’ He thought. ‘This is going to be the best day of your life. Just don’t look at her hands.’ Too late. Why did he have to think of her hands? There was no way he would be able to perform with her monster hands on his mind.
Maggie called out from the back office. “You ready for me to blow your mind Stan?” She emerged from the door no longer in her uniform, but in tiny shorts and a tank top. Her full figure was on display leaving Stan in a puddle of confusion.
He had never wanted a woman more. And now finally his dream girl was coming on to him, but he was having trouble taking his eyes off her paws which suddenly looked even bigger. He stuttered in trying to be smooth, “Oh, I’m ready to be blown… I mean, my mind. It is ready.” His voice cracked and his hands shook, there was no recovering.
Maggie just giggled and grabbed his hand dragging him out of the concessions stand and up the ramp. Her hands were thinner than he expected, huge, but thin. She had a grasp on his wrist similar to how he would imagine a gorilla would. His mind so stuck on her clutch he did not think twice about her leading him through the ramp, down the stairs to the front row of the stadium. When she hopped the railing it finally caught Stan’s attention.
“Where are we going?”
“The pitcher’s mound.” Maggie had a giggle in her voice that was unusual for her.
“On the pitcher’s mound? What’s wrong with my place?” He realized he had just asked a woman to his roach infested apartment. “Or your place? Your place is probably better.”
“Because, this is my place.” She had completely confused Stan.
They reached the center of the field, both standing on the small dirt mound with the perfectly manicured grass all around them. Stan had thought they covered the field at night, but he was too nervous to care.
Maggie looked him in the eye, licked her lips, and said, “Okay. Lets do this.”
Stan not wanting to look uninterested pushed all his fears to the side and went straight into his intimacy process. He put an arm around her, his other on the side of her thigh and leaned in for a kiss.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Her voice echoed throughout the stadium just as the announcers usually did.
He was suddenly happy he had decided to start slow and not go straight to taking his clothes off. “What did you bring me out here for?”
“Not that! Why would I take you to the pitcher’s mound for that?” Maggie was suddenly an embodiment of rage.
“Sorry, you have been winking at me all night and I thought.”
Laughter burst from Maggie’s throat. “Sorry, I did that on purpose.” She buckled over in hilarity. “No, I need your help.”
“With what?” Stan felt nothing but burning in his ears. He had never been so humiliated.
“In saving my people.” As the words spilled from her lips he noticed her complexion change, she was green.
Panic set in as he realized that he was not in the situation he expected. He turned to run to right field where an employee exit was, but there was someone out there, he could not make them out in the dark. He looked back at home plate, there was another. He looked out into the stands, they were everywhere.
“What the fuck is going on Maggie?” Stan had fallen back on his ass trying to retreat, but with no place to go.
“I would say calm down, but obviously that is pointless.” Her voice was growing with emotions. It was out of place for her, but so was her now nearly neon green skin. “You are already scared, so, I might as well just say it.” She paused for dramatic effect as if the moment needed more drama. “I’m an alien.”
Stan froze in befuddlement. “You are what? Like an illegal immigrant?”
“I’m fucking green Stan! No, I am an alien from a different fucking planet! How stupid are you?” She motioned to the top of the stands where the announcers sit if the game is actually going to be called.
The lights of the stadium came up and the stands were filled with little green people. Filled is an exaggeration, the stands were scattered with little green people. Okay, they weren’t all green, some were grey, some were purple, but they scared the shit out of Stan, figuratively.
He mumbled trying to get a question out, but he had nothing left in him except fear.
Maggie interjected his babblings, “Calm down. You can’t handle anymore.” She lifted her huge skeleton like hand in the air and everyone quickly morphed back to human.
A voice came shouting out of the stands, “We need him now! We can’t continue to wait!”
Maggie shot a look over in the direction of the voice. “We have no choice.” She turned back to Stan was frozen on the ground. His facial expression had not changed since the lights came on. “I’ll take you home, you are in no shape to drive.”
Stan heard nothing. His mind was channel surfing at a million miles an hour. He had just been confronted with something he had not believed existed. It was science fiction not reality. Little green men? And little green women? Little green women who made hot, sexy, massive handed humans? The shock was so strong he did not even notice Maggie loading him into his car.
They sat in the car for a long time. Maggie had no idea where Stan actually lived and his crazy man whispering rant was not going to be any kind navigator. It only took a little more than an hour for him to be able to speak again.
“So, you are an alien?” Stan obviously was stuck on this fact.
“No more tonight. Take tomorrow off to gather your wits. On Sunday, when you come in maybe you will have a better grasp at this.” She took a deep breath wondering if she had waited too long, if her people would survive while waiting for this insignificant human to relax.
Maggie got the directions from Stan and drove him home. The ride was silent mostly. An occasional throat clearing or grunt from the terrified Stan. But by the time they got back to his place Stan’s heart was almost to a mere hundred fifty beats per minute.
“Thanks for driving me home.” Stan was able to get that out as he got out of the car. “I guess I will see you Sunday.”
Maggie jumped out of the car in a panic. “You will be seeing me through Sunday!”
Stan was lost again, but at this point it did not take much.
“I drove your car here. How do you expect me to get back? No, I am staying with you!”
Stan wanted to argue, but he was afraid. This was an alien standing in his parking lot. She could melt his brain or probe him, which sounded worse. He just shook his head and walked towards the breezeway where his apartment was.
As the two stepped onto the concrete, water dripped down the cracks of the old building. It was a shit hole. There is no better word for it, but living on a few dollars an hour he could not afford any better. The brown painted wood that framed his door was rotting away, matching the chipped brick that surrounded it.
Stan opened the door to reveal a small one bedroom apartment littered with fast food wrappers and old cigarette butts. Maggie peeked in around him seeing a couple roaches scamper across the carpet to avoid the light coming in from the breezeway.
“Not bad.” She said bringing a bit of surprise to Stan. “Been luxury hotels on distant planet that were worse than this.” Stan did not laugh. Maggie, now a little worried about him chimed back in. “You should go to bed.”
“Yep.” Stan was barely audible, his world obviously had been shattered.
Maggie was becoming overwhelmed with concern, now felt she had to break him of his depression. She grabbed him by the shoulders and faced him towards her. She looked deep into his eyes and he fell asleep, standing in her arms.
She awkwardly drug him to bed shocked he passed out so quickly. It was a relief, she had no idea what to say to him. In the morning she assumed he would think it was some otherworldly power that she entranced him with to knock him out, but it was not. Just his own exhaustion mixed with perfect timing.
Moving a sleeping man was not an easy task. She wished she was a stronger species, but no such luck. Undressing him was not any easier, but she couldn’t sleep clothed so she assumed he could not either. She rolled him onto the bed, brushed some grossness off the other side and climbed into it with him. She closed her eyes for a quick nap with her arm spooning Stan as he drift off to his overworked dreams. Although she was still worried about him, all she could think at that moment was, ‘why does he have to have a twin sized bed?’
Stan woke up to a throbbing headache. He peeled his eyelids open to a blurry room. He was home, but he was not feeling well. The yellowed walls gave him a familiar comfort, but the fact the light was still on alerted him to the fact that something was wrong. He squinted his eyes as tight as possible, but the pain of in his skull would not subside. He started to turn over when he realized there was an arm draped over him and a warm body behind him. His right hand grazed his bare chest and felt the strange arm on him. Big hands. Holy shit! But it must have been a dream or at least a misunderstanding.
In the light of the new day and the pounding of his head, he came to the realization that the night before could not be what he took it for then. He did not remember drinking, but that sort of hammering in his brain could only be the result of one thing.
He shuffled himself over to face Maggie. Even the pounding of his head could not keep himself from being excited to be in bed with her. He marveled at her soft features, her dark red lipstick still on her lips. It was amazing that even after a long night of drinking she still looked perfect, her hair still had those untouched curls. He pulled the covers back and gazed down at her breasts bringing one of his fantasies to life.
He reached over and touched her cheek like he always saw in the movies. He refused to act his normal way that morning. He always messed things up and he was not going to let that happen with her, this was the one as far as he could tell.
His graze awoke her and she looked into his eyes with that refreshed ecstasy which came with waking up next to that person you always wanted. Stan could hold back the smile from erupting across his face. He forgot his romantic movie etiquette and let his normal attitude show through, “So, you want to get another round in this morning hotstuff?”
Maggie’s face contorted as she backed up the couple inches that were left on the bed. Her bliss faded into repulsion as she blurted out, “What kind of sick fuck are you? I am a fucking alien, that is like beastiality or something else that is just immoral. Xenoality? I don’t know, but that is fucking gross!”
She threw her covers off and got out of the bed. Standing completely naked in front of him unknowingly taunting him as it was not something that translated into her alien culture. “Look, you have to get this straight. We are not of the same species and there will be half-breed litters impregnated in me. You got it?”
Stan’s head began to spin again. Was he still drunk? What did he take the night before? And what time was it? He thought he was supposed to be at work early, but his boss was standing stark naked in front of him, so it was probably alright.
“This is ridiculous, how can you be an alien?” Stan was testing her. If this was an elaborate prank she would slip up somehow.
“Let’s just get to used the idea of me being from another galaxy before we go into any more detail.”
That was the plan, although, it would not be considered a successful one. It ignited an impromptu mother and toddler debate with Stan taking on the role of the toddler while Maggie had the unfortunate part of the mother to play.
Stan left the bedroom and walked the twenty feet to get to his kitchen. It was filthy as the rest of the house, but a tad more disgusting since it housed the dishware. He grabbed a bowl and some cereal. As he poured his cereal he questioned Maggie, “If you are an alien, when did you come here?”
Maggie did not want to give in, “No questions.”
Stan muttered an agreement. He sniffed his milk before pouring it, an action Maggie had not understood since she arrived. “How did you get here? Do you have a spaceship?”
“Would you just shut up and eat your food.”
“Right.” He dug a spoon out of the drawer without a look, he had seen some bugs in that drawer before and would rather be oblivious to insect on his silverware than make himself sick. “What planet are you from?”
“Seriously, stop it!”
“Why don’t you look like an alien?”
“I am walking away.” Maggie did not know what to say, she could not keep him from his annoying questioning.
“How did you learn English? Have you been to the moon? What other planets have you been on? Are you an explorer? Do you have the normal girl parts down yonder?”
She was on the verge of slapping him. Being aware that if she was found out to be an alien by the authorities, a charge of assault would not help her chances. As an alien dissection was a real fear.
“FINE! You want to know? Five Earth years. A spaceship which I own. Xarnon XQ42. I have a cloaking ability. I speak over 2,000 languages, they aren’t hard for me to pick up. Your moon? No. Only here and home, unless you count Xarnon XQ42’s moon. Not an explorer, just on family vacation. And my girl parts are normal for my species, not much different than those you’ve seen. Now shut the fuck up!”
Stan started to open his mouth again, but Maggie stared him down with such conviction that he did not dare cross her again. Her eyes pulsed the faintest tint of red and her skin seemed to puff in and out as if her entire body was breathing.
She pointed on long finger at him distracting him from his current fear and refocusing on her tremendously sized hands. She shook her head and walked out the door.
Stan felt as if a elephant was removed from his back. Suddenly he was not afraid. He had the day off if memory served him correctly and he had nothing to do but relax. He sauntered over to his decade old couch which had foam padding oozing out through the holes in the appolstry. Time to relax, but in the back of his mind he knew Maggie would be back. He just hoped she would not be as upset.
Maggie walked in circles around the apartment complex. It was a shit hole, but it reminded her of one of her favorite vacation spots.
On Xarnon XQ42 there was a small island in the center of a methane lake. It was a cozy place where the smallest of species on her planet dwelled. Species that were similar to Earth’s roaches and spiders. A few scavengers lived on the island, small critters that were fierce for their size, but not a threat to any species as large as Maggie and the Xarnqanese. The scavengers would find smaller prey and drag them back to the island to feast on while they decayed and rotted away.
It was not a vacation spot the humans would appreciate, but for the Xarnqanese it was an escape from everyday life. For Earth humans it was more representative of their low income living situations. An odd facet of human beings. They are the only civilized species in the known universe who house their poor in artificial areas. Huge apartment complexes, under bridges, in large warehouses called shelters. It was an idea Maggie could not comprehend. Everywhere else the poor were left in nature since they could not afford to create an artificial dwelling. Leave it to Earth to make sense out of charging for land and nature which has always been there and was always free until they came around.
Regardless, Maggie wandered in circles around the complex trying to relax. She watched the rats forage for garbage. She saw gnats hound a dog that was trying to have a bowel movement. But the thing that interested her the most was how the humans acted. She had been vacationing on Earth for a year, but she had not truly paid attention to them. How they obsessed over electronics. How they mimicked each others fashion while trying to remain individual. Maggie realized they were not so different from her.
She gathered her wits and prepared to go back inside and confront Stan again. She had to get him on task. They needed him to gather fuel for their return flight home. She was rather annoyed with her father, he always wanted to vacation the cheapest way. He actually expected them to go to Earth and be able to refuel there, for free. Now she had to work the last month of her vacation. What a free loader her dad was.
She sighed and headed back to the apartment.